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Some jokes... to cheer u up 

The smart blonde...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Corvette parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $45,000 Corvette as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Corvette into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replied, ... "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"

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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car.

The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass."


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A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new 2001 C5 torch-red convertible, and was having trouble figuring out how to tune in the radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio. "Miss," the salesman said, "this is a very sophisticated radio. There is no requirement to use buttons or dials. You merely give voice commands to whatever type of program you desire."

So after she received her instructions, she headed out onto the highway. "Country music" she said, and instantly Garth Brooks was singing away on a country station. After a while, she said, "Oldies," and instantly she heard Rod Stewart.
A few minutes later, a redneck in an old pickup truck cut her off in traffic. "Pervert!!!" she yelled. The radio paused for a second and then announced "Ladies and Gentlemen, Bill Clinton - the President of the United States."

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12 reasons why a Corvette is better than Woman...

1) Girls whine - Vettes haul.......
2) 5% of girls are hot - 100% of Vettes are beautiful
3) You can stare at another vette without yours getting jealous
4) You can have more than one vette
5) All vettes are fast, but not all girls are
6) Lots of girls are cheap but no vettes are
7) Even old and dirty vettes are fun to ride
8) Vettes are ready to go 24 hours a day
9) You don't have to take your vette to dinner and a movie before you race
10) You can put $100,000 into a vette and get your moneys worth, if you spend $100,000
on a girl you get crap
11) A bottle of champagne costs $20, a gallon of gas costs $1.20
12) A Z06 runs a 12.0 1/4 mile, a girl can't run a 1/4 mile.

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   A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, "What kind of car ya got there sonny?" The man replies, "It's a 2001 Corvette, the best sports car in the USA; it cost me over $50,000."

"That's a lot of money" says the old man. Why do they cost so much?" The man answers, "Because they can go 170 miles an hour!" The old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car all right!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and in a few seconds the speedo reads 120 MPH. Suddenly he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be catching up to him. Afraid it might be a cop, he slows down to 65 and suddenly whhhoooosshh! Something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than this Vette?" the man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming towards him. Whhoooosshh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it sorta looked like the old man on the mo-ped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Vette?"

Then again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whhooosshh - Blam! It plows into the back of the Vette! The man jumps out. It IS the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are in a world of hurt. The guy runs up to the old man and cries, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies, "Yes, could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?"

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You are most likely a Corvette owner if....

  -If you've ever bought a piece of clothing to "match the car."
  -If you have multiple cars in the family, but everyone refers to the corvette as "THE car"
  -You've driven an hour+ and had to take a day off work to buy a $10 car part (that does not affect the operation of the car in anyway)
  -If your car is 26 years old and you find out that it still has the original fuel filter, and you're HAPPY!
  -If you have more than one car, and the one that is 20 years older than the other runs 10 times better
  -If you know the exact DATE which your car was built (Jan 16, 1974)... but forget your girlfriend/wife's birthday (Uh, I was going to get you something honey but I...)
  -If you know the exact day you bought your car (April 3, 1999).... But forget your anniversary.
  -If you've ever explained (in detail) to your girlfriend who "Zora" is...
  -If you know that "Corvette" is a small French ship known for it's manoeuvrability.
  -If you have 100% cotton towels for your car and you use old, worn-out ones in your bathroom.
  -If you have a PO Box that your wife does not know about so you can get your mods in the mail.
  -If you refer to your Vette as if it were your child.
  -If, instead of your spouse, you carry a picture of your car in your wallet.
  -You hang pictures of Vettes in your GARAGE so she's not lonely.
  -If you've actually had a momentary twinge of worry at night, when you turn out the light in the garage, about leaving your 'Vette alone in the dark.
  -You spend more time vacuuming the 20 square feet of carpet in your Vette than your 2000 square foot house.
  -Feel that you must scrub the underside, you never know, some mechanic may get the wrong impression of you if it's dirty.
  -Find yourself looking at your reflection in large plate glass as you drive by.
  -If a bird craps on it, you stop turn around and go home to clean it off.
  -Drive around town to every Starbucks looking for an outside table next to a parking place because you think people are impressed by watching you drink coffee next to your Vette.
  -You order a build sheet for your Vette even though you have no idea what it means.
  -You have a window sticker hanging in your bedroom.
  -You think people that drive BMW's are commies.
  -You think all Japanese cars are junk driven by young punk rice boys that want to race you...
  -You think there's a chance it may rain.. I'll take the Lexus...
  -SUVs aggravate you because they are bigger that you are..
  -You find it necessary to keep pressing that little button that goes between oil temp/water temp/fuel avg./ etc..
  -Even though you've never changed oil in any car you've ever owned, you want to do it on your Vette because nobody else knows how...
  -You cause traffic jams as you manoeuvre your Vette around a puddle of water in the street.
  -When nobody is looking, you talk to it and swear that it understands you...
  -You get very depressed if you've been cruising all day and stopped many times but nobody comes up and says.. "Wow, nice Vette!"
  -You keep a shop manual in the bathroom for your reading enjoyment while taking a dump...
  -If you understand that "Owning" noes not necessarily mean "Driving".
  -You have one pair of sunglasses that are designated Vette shades. You never wear them while driving the "other car".
  -You spend half an afternoon and cause bodily harm to yourself trying to get that last little leaf that's stuck to your radiator through that little hole on the right side of the shroud.
  -If every time you talk about your Vette to ANYBODY, you say "The Vette" instead of car.
  -If nobody under the age of 30 is allowed in your garage.
  -If the weatherman predicts rain and you are VISIBLY upset.
  -If you yell "Save the wave!" to people who don't wave back.
  -You have an 11'X4' corvette poster on the wall above your bed.
  -You wave at other Corvette owners when you are out for your evening jog.
  -Your friends make sure they bring up your car more than you do, when you meet new people.
  -You tell everyone that you will drive yourself when a big group is going out even though there is plenty of room in another vehicle.
  -everyone fights over who gets to ride with you.
  -You flip through every page of Eckler's, Mid America and Corvette Central every month even though they have the same parts every month.
  -You look at parts for C1s, C2s, C4s, and C5s even though your car is a C2.
  -"Ooo" and "Ahh" over another Vette, that for all intents and purposes could be your Vettes twin (same year, colour, etc.)!
  -While looking to buy a house, garage space and condition is the first thing you look at.
  -You decline a night at the "gentlemen's" clubs with friends, because you need to be up early the next morning to get to the track.
  -You grit you teeth, and scowl, every time you see a Mustang on the road.
  -Your 10 year old kid has been programmed to warn his little friends to stay away from the car without you having to prompt him.

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